You can always tell a brain teaser by the length of her skirt

I was informed this morning that there is a fantastic sale going on in my favorite apparel store. You can probably guess what store that is. But I refuse to do endorsements. Duh. My friend actually looked at me quite pleadingly when she told me about this sale. She seemed to be saying it was more than 7 minutes I needed back this morning. It was 7 minutes, plus a massive clothing sale. I listened to the descriptions of percentages off of shirts, bottoms, and even party hats. I made sure my face turned into a combination of concerned excitement that hearing, “You must hurry and be excited about hurrying” always brings.

I am not going to this sale. I am not going to buy any clothes from my favorite store. I will think about it. I will consider it. I will picture me parking at the mall, pushing the door that says “pull”, getting embarrassed and then pulling, going down the escalators thinking, “Why don’t I ever park closer?” going into the store, feeling the looks of the clerks with me wishing with all my might they won’t feel like helping me today, picking out my amazing deals, trying them on, feeling excited because they fit, purchasing, walking out with that new bag, going up the escalator, pushing the door this time, and driving away in glee.

Nope, not going to do it.