I Believe In The 10 Second Rule. No Exceptions.

I think I should write an edgy, on the brink post today! Really hit on a current event. So in that light - how about that SUPERBOWL? Wow. Now, if I am honest, I will tell you I Rip Van Winkled the entire second half, and it wasn't until about 8:30 this morning when I found out the winner. But who's really noticing those details?

On the radio today, there was an interview with a woman from the New Orleans area (for those of you like me, it was the New Orleans Saints that won) who said these words, "This is the best thing that has ever happened to the state of Louisiana." I couldn't help but sit on those words all the way till this moment. I mean, EVER?

So I want to do a counter blanket statement back to the airwaves via the world wide web and say, "No lady, this is the best thing that ever happened to Louisiana." Please click here (click on underlined word, please.....and watch it ALL).

A Mountain Of Paper Work? Be Sure To Recycle.

I am thinking I should buy a pot of potpourri. Or make a pot? How does that work anyway? I have two solid reasons for my pot of potpourri.

One - I enjoy typing that word immensely, and am totally in love with the fact I can spell it. Seriously, first try. No spell check needed. I needed help with "immensely" but for "potpourri"...no problem. Potpourri. Potpourri. Potpourri. Potpourri. Potpourri. Ok, now I am just showing off.

Two - It is a category I often do very well in Alex's Jeopardy.

Oh, well, I guess there are three reasons. Number three being there is a smell that seems to be permeating my home. Before you begin judging and sentencing me...I have taken all adult measures to find the source of this mystery odor. Not my dog. Not my pooper. Not my refrig. Not my sheets. Thus, I give up.

Potpourri.

Crumbling Cookys Are All Around

Friends - You may hold a degree of disappointment in the actions I took today. Call it weakness, call it intimidation, call it a moment of aspiration...but I bought a Coupon Book (Q-pon). You know, one of those full of "buy one, get one"s for area restaurants, dry cleaners, dog groomers. I supported a local school. Or so my coworker and her evil glare said so. Congratulations - children of tomorrow. I support you.

I have strategically put this book (and I mean it is a book) beside my Cook Book. Safe keeping. I believe I shall have a contest on who gets used the least. Ready, set..........no go.

Blink Once For "Yes"...Twice For "Maybe"

Now - I am not how the afterlife works (duh), but if there is an option for reincarnation for yours truly, I hath made my decision - I will return to Planet E. as a local news anchor. Think about it. They are magnificent creatures that hold incredible skills. I long to be one of these local celebrities. One moment, with a blank stare, I would tell in grim detail about a murder (and I mean every last detail), and then with a blink of the teleprompter move on with a glistening smile to report how Snookie, the amazing local cat that just quit smoking, won a bird eating contest by the river. How awesome?

More than life itself, do I long to do a verbal hand off to my field reporter, "Now to Tom, who is live on the scene."

A Whole Foot? Nah...just a few toes.

Well friends - there's a snow storm a brewin' in these parts where I dwell. Oh....H yes! Rarely does Hubert get to witness winter's beauty in the form of anything but mild temperatures. Yet, on this day...hip, hip hooray for a biannual delight!

Here is a list of my snow day traditions:
1. While it is snowing, run outside in circles with my tongue out.
2. Wish my mother was around to make snow cream with raw eggs. Ohhh, how I long to go back to the days before salmonella.
3. Throw a snowball - targets? - slow moving ones.
4. Walk to the nearest, grandest, greatest hill in the area. I am talking the monster hill...and think, "What goes down, must go up."
5. See number two again.

Don't Look Ethel!

Today I shall dedicate my words to The Art Of Losing (which isn't hard to master).


As I drove away from the gas station this afternoon, and watched my gas cap roll merrily down the street, I exclaimed an "Awweeee man!"

My gas caps - the streets I have traveled are littered with at least 5 - 10 that have taken flight from the roofs of my various cars. "Awweeeee man!"

I am a very good loser.

Many a minute have I spent frantically tearing apart my dwelling in search of my keys, a matching sock (long gave up on those), the remote, 7 debit cards, glasses of water - even a cantaloupe. Ohhhh, dearest sunglasses. Sometimes I do find. The relief of a find never seems to quite match the angst of the search. Life must go on...loser.

Recently I lost a pair of jeans. (why are they called a "pair" of jeans anyway...makes it seem like I lost two). How does one lose a jean? Dearest world, how?

It Takes Juan to Know Juan

The refrigerator - it tells a story about each and everyone of us. Our hopes. Our dreams. If one were to analyze my refrigerator, and the contents of, they would deduce I must be a crazy scientist...that must travel frequently - spreading my science knowledge regarding what condiments do when they have long past their prime.

Considering there is a census coming up, it is a dream of mine to tag along and politely ask residents if I may peak in their fridge. For the common good. To know more about the state of our blessed Union. Hmmm.

In general, I don't care much about how the famous spend their minutes. Yet, here is a list of a few stars I would LOVE to take a peek inside their ice chests.

And in no particular order:

1. Carnie Wilson - You know that has to be interesting. Just has to.
2. Ricki Lake - Not quite as revealing as Carnie, but close. I would then do a compare/contrast of the two.
3. Bob Ross - If he was alive, of course. Now, you would think his would be predicable...but those often hold the best surprise half-eaten-by-a-spoon cans of frosting!
4. Alex Trebek - I would be lying if I said I didn't care what this Canadian hero had. What if he has American cheese? What if?
5. Ted Turner - I picture a Costco pack of hot dogs - to be eaten raw - at any moment.
6. Shelly Long - You know, from Cheers? Mainly to make her feel less forgotten.