When Life Gives You Tony Danza - Make "Who's The Boss?"

The title of this blog is so classic and deep, I feel the need to leave you with only it for today.

Part 1 - When One Door Closes

Think hard - What do these three photos have in common?

Exactly.

The power of positive thinking.




I have started thinking about the power of positive thinking. P-O-W-E-R.







I have been told think happy thoughts, and happy little moments will magically plop on your lap, like rabbit turds on a dewy morning. Thus, I decided I need such turds - quite desperately - so I am thinking about them, and how cute they are. Ho hum.

To begin my brain's new journey of thinking in a new direction, I thought I should make a list of the top four things I will miss being negative about.
1. Waking up - Oh, how I love to hate a new day
2. Wheel of Fortune - I will still turn the channel immediately after Jeopardy, but before I do, I will make sure to notice how mobile Vanna still looks.
3. Grocery stores, grocery lists, grocery carts, etc. - I can't wait to look forward to checking out
4. The Beach Boys

When A Fat Lady Sings - It's Over.

Lately I have started considering getting a tattoo. I really think I might need to find a place on my body to express myself. To say to the world, "World, this is what you have done to me." I know what you are probably thinking...that maybe I should be out of this phase, and should have already expressed whatever I should have needed to express through a tattoo about 2 years ago, and so now whatever I choose will likely be a sad interpretation of Goofy gazing into a starry night. I know, I know.

Here are a few of ideas for my tattoo(s)...(heard it's hard to stop at one)
1. Goofy gazing thoughtfully into a starry night, as if to say, "I am the most misunderstood Disney character of all. Only the stars see me for whom I really am."
2. A tear drop under my left eye - it may or may not apply to what happened to Uncle Ned.
3. A dolphin inside a heart, on top of clown head - Seriously, does it get any deeper?
4. Real Chinese letters - spelling Moo Goo Gai Pan - can you imagine the face on the Chinese waiter when he asks for my order and I just point to my forearm????!!

If It Hurts When You Touch It, Don't Touch It.

I am thinking of becoming an eBay seller. Or is it "seller on eBay?" hmmmm. I think I have plenty to offer the world of wide web people that like unopened crap. My motivations? Well, as you can probably figure out by now, I like hobbies. Also, I think it is a great way to make new friends. Can anybody say "Pen Pals!!!"? I can hardly wait to capture people in their most natural states of "hunting" for their perfect My Little Ponies (Fizzy and Galaxy) to keep them glorious in their original boxes for eternity!

So after surveying my belongings, I am thinking I might have to go out and buy a few things to put for sell.

Dreaming of Barbados is Easier

Have you ever had one of those weeks, and I mean WEEK (Monday-Friday), where every single minute felt like you were stuck on an episode of Oprah? And not one of the episodes where you are geekily winning a corny lotion or learning how sexy a diaphragm can be, but more like one of the shows where when the camera pans around the audience, every single slobbering woman is crying because Barbara Streisand is telling a story of how poor she used to be...so poor that she had to pretend a water jug was her baby doll. Yes, a week like that. I hope you haven't, but if you have, please know that Hubert here has a remedy.

Here is my recipe for post disaster:
Step 1: Take one look in the mirror and tell yourself - "My baby doll is not a water jug, but if it ever becomes one, I will still love it."
Step 2: Make a drink that is 8oz skim milk, 2tbsp of chocolate syrup, and 3 tbsp Metamucil
Step 3: Get the courage to find what smells in your house - then do whatever might be appropriate to get rid of the smell
Step 4: And finally, find that Bill Cosby record and play the birth skit at least 4 times.

The Leaves Are Dying, Not Just Changing Colors

I overheard a few fellow beings discussing a book club today, and it sounded like something I should definitely start and slowly quit. Maybe halfway through the first book. Let's not kid ourselves here. We have all found that high school friend online (or she/he found us rather), and emailed rapid fire questions excitedly back and forth, possibly for days in a row, but then realized her/his life included way more detergent in a week than ours ever could imagine, so we slowly pulled away...until that special reunion dinner became an email in the delete folder. I know that is what my book club will most surely be. So what?

I just took an inventory of my current books and found 97% have quite the reverse picture/word ratio for an adult. Ho hum.

It's Always Easier When Someone Else Does It For You

Water cooler talk – I am terrible at it. I really like that phrase though. So professional. I think I should start improving my cooler talking skills. After this morning’s experience, I think a good place to start would be catching up on the local sports and current events. It seems my super long, drawn out version of “awweeeessssoooommmme” doesn’t always fit or win high fives (but possibly has left a few painfully hanging). But now that I think about it, I don’t really care for high fives. Or water coolers.