Filing A Complaint

This “Spring Forwarding” is doing anything but putting a spring in my step. What on earth? As each cell on my body is replaced by a more mature, homely looking cell, I come to realize despite how many tricks we humans play with time, none seem to be in my favor. Boy, am I whining today or what? Hmmm…good chance there is a “yes” to that question.

Any-who. This time change…it may be making my days longer, but at what cost?! I know, I know – it is only an hour; I will get it back in the fall. I always do. But believe me when you read these grumpily written words…For 6 months solid (or whatever the time frame is between clock changes) my insides will long for that hour back.

Heavy stuff, huh? Less sleep apparently makes me deep, so get used to it until the fall I guess.

Pete and Repeat Were On A Boat...Pete Fell Out

What a lucky, lucky day! I am getting a carbon monoxide detector for my dwelling free of cost. Well, sort of. More like included in my overpriced monthly rent, but let me have this one please.

The story gets even better! I was so appreciative on this Saturday morning to have the carbon monoxide detector news come as a 7:30 wake up call. How rare.

I asked the fellow on the other end of the line, "If the detector came with food or if I needed to go out and buy any?" He didn't seem to understand the very logical question. I asked again, "I said do I need to get any food for it? You did say it is a carbon monoxide detector, right?" He confirmed it was a detector, but it would not require food. Even better!

"Wow," I said, "A canary that doesn't eat. What will they think of next?" After a long pause he said he would see me at 1pm.

Spunky Bumper Sticker of the Day - "My Dog Has Class"

I don't really understand Girl Scout cookies. A woman I work with recently has been selling them for $7.00 a box. She also heavily pushes Mary Kay products. I am very unsure of her Girl Scout heritage, due to the fact she has no children nor is a child, nor claims to know any.

Anyway, I admit I have gained 11 pounds in 5 days due to the cookie intake. Her sales tactics have worked on Hubert! I made this discovery this morning, and said, "Nooooo" to the scale. Stepped off, then back on and said, "Nooooo" again. Then once more. I would say it is a broken lying slab of scalery, but coincidentally I found my favorite pair of work pants begging for the professional day's setting sun so they could unpeel themselves off my now, portly body. (dare you to try to read that sentence aloud more than once......linguistics!)

Do I plan to alter any habits to curb any further inflation? Maybe. Thin Mints?

I Knew This Day Would Come

Indecision is often the worst decision. Believe it or not, I have come to live by this. What has helped me hurry up and decide whatever needs to be decided? The almighty quarter. Not kidding. This twenty five cents of sense has led me down paths that would have under quarterless circumstances, taken ages.

Anyway, I can't find one right now, and I can't decide whether I should go ahead and tell you about the pile of peanut shells I am secretly creating under my desk or how I think Carnie Wilson would make a great Oscar host. Too bad.

I Miss Paula

Let's just keep this simple. I am going to use today's post as a confession.

What I ate for dinner:
1. One cup of oatmeal with several heaping spoonfuls of brown sugar and peanut butter
2. One bowl of Cocoa Rice Krispies
3. One cup of chocolate milk as a result of the Cocoa Rice Krispies
4. 1/2 a Kit Kat
5. 1/2 glass of Metamucil

HA-CHOO

I have been home sick today. Don't worry, I will not detail my illnesses to you. No, sir. I will not tell you about the colors of the rainbow I have seen coming from all parts of my body. Nope. I will spare my friends. Instead, I would like to ask a few questions. Apparently I have not been home sick for longer than I thought because I have not even recognized the daytime television. What in the world?

In no particular order (with a bit of awestruck horror)
1. Where is Kathy Lee Gifford? I wanted to hear stories about Frank and Cody. It would have been so soothing on a day like today.
2. Is Rachael Ray a spin-off from a Sesame Street character?
3. Ok - Where the H was Bob Barker, and why was there a man that looked a lot like Drew Carey hosting? Why? The pet population needs controlling!
4. How have I missed out on Spanish television for so long?
5. I think I might have taken a "No Phone Zone Pledge"...(that is not a question but maybe should be)

A Little Diddy...

I was pulled over today. Clearly it was racial profiling. Okay, not clearly - because I have never quite gotten the hang of what that term means. Something to do with getting pulled over and airports. Anyway, I now have a complex regarding my driver's licence photo. Let's take a moment and leave my road side situation, and go back in time to the lovely DMV when I had that photo taken. I went to great lengths that day to prepare for the photo. Brushed teeth, hair, no lint on the shirt, etc. Practiced my smile. And I have indeed been proud of that preparation. The photo is a little gem. Or so I have thought until today, when the officer looked at it, laughed and laughed...laughed some more. Then let me go. That has to be some sort of profiling. Has to be.