Shout out to the BIRD

(Feelin' sassy today)

Thanksgiving is quite possibly the best thing we have made up in this great land of the USA. I know this isn't an original thought or post for the day, but it would disrespectful those pillygrams and indyuns (there's my new accent) if I didn't mention how we have carried forth all their sacrifices.

What makes Thanksgiving so awesome: 
1.  For starters, despite all of Canada's efforts to one-up Thanksgiving, they never can quite get there.  (yeah, that's called taunting)
2. Its nickname is "Turkey Day" - there is no other day of the year that's nickname is for what is to be eaten and that is A-O-Merican, which I am PTB (umm, proud to be, if you are a little slow).
3. "Thanks" - when said from the heart, is one of the top three words in our language. Actually, when said with sarcasm from the heart it can be pretty darn effective, too.  Yep, no matter what you can't go wrong with "thanks" (giving on the other hand - circumstantial for sure)

Living in a VIDEO World

If you can't tell by my last two posts, I have really gotten into YouTube.  Like I know people have been looking at it for years now.  I know, I know.  I'm a YouTube late bloomer.  So sue me.  It's not like I haven't "been there, done that," with other cool trends - like scrap booking and cock fighting and don't forget all my scarves. 

Where is this going????!!!!  No where, so get off my back! 

A Special Dedication

 Remembering someone's birthday, sometimes even your own, can be a challenge ... (insert joke about the day after)

 Now to all those born on this day November 23rd, please take time to learn this:

OUT - IN

Now, what's all this "Streisand out" and "Dr. Oz in" business all about?  Well, another day I will officially discuss my outing, let's focus in the inning ... this man makes a difference people.  A DIFFERENCE.

Ways Dr. Oz is better than Barbara Streisand:
1. Dr. Oz uses way more interactive props
2. Oz is a way better name.  I mean it's a dream land and a prison show
3. Oprah's Dr. vs. Oprah's "special guest" ... which one would you rather perform heart surgery on you?  Huh?

If You've Tried Counting Sheep...

 

It's Been a While, Eh?

Just when you get that feeling I'ma gone-a foreva (picked up a random accent since I've been gone.  Use it randomly).  I'ma bock.

So what's been happening in my life?  Has it gone anywhere?  Well, maybe.  I found the owner of a lost bike a couple of months ago.  It was so scared.  Ummm, I've almost decided to start making good on certain promises.  Really making progress in that area. 

Here's what's cooking in my life in list format:

1. Barbara Streisand out - Dr. Oz in
2. Have continued learning to never, ever doubt the way of an Asian is cooler
3. The bad economy really ruined my follow up to the snuggie idea - the snuggie/huggie (included a diaper)

YES!

Drip, Drip, Drop, Drop

Drip, drip, drip, drip..."Good morning HUBERT!" said my leaky ceiling a few hours ago. Sigh. Right over my bed at that. What on Earth?


This moment has inspired a list of 3 strange wake ups I am in the mood to share (consider today a little "get to know me post") -
1. 7am on a Sunday- Water dripping on my head - which is stranger - that I have water dripping on my head at 7am, or my upstairs neighbor has a source of overflowing water residing over my bedroom? It's a mystery...it isn't where her bathroom is, or kitchen, maybe a secret garden???
2. 6:22am on a Saturday - Two large women pounding on my door - they are inquiring about the snakes for sale??? No, I do not own nor ever will own a snake, much less sell it.
3. 10:33am on a Tuesday - I had overslept on a workday 4 hours. Oops.

Box it UP

Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. If you will please refer to yesterday's post...I have been thinking hard during stop-and-go traffic about how to end the phrase "Think outside the box." Stupid box. Inside. Outside. Thinking. I am done with that phrase! So I figured out a plan.

Prepare yourself...it is getting ready to get hotter than ever in Hubertland!

What scares people that think around boxes???? Being politically incorrect! Dare I write the word...racist? Just watch a box thinker squirm when you ask him to describe his favorite Cosby episode! So...my plan? I am on a mission to spread the word that "Think outside the box" is racial slang! Sheer genius.

I picture the conversation like this:
Box Thinker: Hubert, really try thinking outside the box.
Hubert: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!
Box Thinker: That you need to really think outside the box.
Hubert: Excuse me, but do you know what you are saying? That's really racist language. I am offended.

Burn that Box

Two things kept me very occupied on my stop-and-go drive home today...

1. My undying wish to end all uses of the phrase, "Think outside the box."
2. Puzzlement regarding why the teeny Indian man in the beautiful, brand new red Porsche beside me was so, so, so close to the steering wheel looking so, so, so afraid.

HUUUUBERRRRRT!

A favorite quote of mine has always been, "To express oneself, you have to first be yourself." It really defines how I feel. Okay, I really just made that quote up and the sentence after. Beautiful and inspiring nonetheless. Want me to do another?

Selflessness takes the less out of self.

Ok, now that I have or have not your attention...Lately I have taken up philosophy, meditating, and eating more raw as well as lightly sauteed carrots. The results? Definitely better eyesight.

Thus, I will leave you with a few things I saw last week, then thought about, and finally had to take a deep breath...
1. A moving truck with, "Movers Not Shakers" on the side going at least 53 mph over a speed bump...to the point it got air.
2. A fellow on a motorcycle that had a handicap license plate.
3. At an exit ramp, a "little person" running full speed into nearby woods.

Things are heating up!

This Is For All The Marbles!

After careful calculation, I decided I need to be a little more savvy (not to be confused with sassy). Now I know what you might be thinking...I want to be savvy just because it is a neat-o word. Maybe. Nonetheless, I would like to be some sort of savvy, but not sure what.

A few ideas I might savvy up on:
1. Computer savvy - I did finally learn control+alt+delete is much better than unplugging and running from the computer...might be on my way yet!

2. Savvy shopper - Not even a clue on where to start with this one. I know I have to know how to look for deals or something like that??? Or is it bargain well? Hmmm.

3. Bank investment savvy - How I long to be asked, "Hubert, what's in your portfolio?" and both know what the H that means AND have a savvy answer!

Gravity...Keeps Us Grounded

Soooooooo last night - I dropped my phone into a cup of water. On accident. How, you might ask, does a cellular telephone end up in a red cellophane cup of water? The same way my favorite pen ended up in the toilet earlier this week. G-R-A-V-I-T-Y.

Now bear with me...this post will contain valuable information if you stick with it!

At the time of the drop, I was on the phone with one of my patient friends telling him about a dream I had. I had been dying to tell someone about this dream, but he is the only one I have left that will listen to my dreams anymore. I was getting to the good part where the alligator started chasing me through the roses that started turning into purple monkeys when fate intervened and PLOP!

Now that I got an audience for the end of my dream, I will pass along the valuable information...if you drop your phone in water, take it apart, dry it off as well as possible, then put it in a container of uncooked rice for at least 24 hours. It works. CLICK HERE!

Say What??!!

I am thinking of giving up my American Idol habit.

American Idol - As you probably can imagine, I am a faithful viewer, and have been for years. I think I single-handedly got Clay Aiken to the finals via my relentless redial voting method. The "Paula Years" as I like to call the time in my life with Paula Abdul in it...they were magical.

But lately, things just haven't felt the same....

On a separate but related note, have you ever realized you have been watching television for an extended period of time at a very high volume level? I have.

3!

My three words for today to describe: my weekend plans, feelings about my new decision to diet, pollen, people that eat apples in front of me, recurring dreams, and last but not least...Ricky Martin.

1. Move when prodded
2. Will not last
3. Trees little revenge
4. Death to you
5. Had one again
6. Rat Pack Leader (wait, or is that Dean Martin?)

Sink, Swim, or Something In between

I can clearly see the marker measuring whether or not I was tall enough to ride the fair ride. Ohhh, that little creepy pirate holding up his hand telling me I had to be, "This high, matey." The thrill of passing the height test; quickly to be ruined by sheer terror of a rickety pirate ship ride. A piece of me longs for more creepy pirate signs in my life. You know, to let me know when it is okay to do something, but no promises I will like it.

This high, matey.

(obviously feeling a bit reflective today, please excuse me)

I Decided To Take On the Day, Only To Want It Off a Few Minutes Later

If a caring soul were to say right now to me, “How was your day Hubert?” My reply would be, “I am very unsure.” I really am. During an interoffice phone conversation today I was told, “Hubert, you can really be difficult to work with sometimes.” To which I replied, “Hmmmmm.” I of course could not see his face (no interoffice skyping), only do a weight calculation on the tone of voice for whether or not he was joking – result was inconclusive. Inconclusive will have to suffice. I do not want to know.

If I may be honest…………….Now, I do not wish to be difficult in any respect. Especially when time and dollars are involved. Yet, I also don’t really have the urge to take necessary steps to become “easy” either.

Hmmmmm.

Count Me IN

It has been requested by my country for me to complete and mail back a Census form. I have my unopened Census questionnaire here in front of me. I just haven't been able to decide on the proper time to count myself. To be somebody!

And I hate to get all "Andy Rooney" on you friends, but I couldn't help but notice something on the envelope. It reads, "Your response to the U.S. Census Bureau is required by law." Now I ponder how this might be enforced on people the government may or may not know exist? But I shall not test the magicians lurking in the U.S. government.

This Pen is Expensive. Hee hee.

Today: As much as I love to tip, tip, tap, tap on the keyboard, my true love lies with a fine writing pen. I develop a bond with my fine writing pens…watching them like a new mother when someone borrows. Yet somehow I lost one today. Who would have guessed, “Harold’s Roofing” would have ever given such remarkable writing devices? Never judge. I do not know Harold. Maybe I have seen one of his roofs.

When My Door Slams, A Window Breaks

March Madness - The time of year we celebrate gambling. Ahhh, I love America with every single lickin' piece of my being. I do.

I am a terrible gambler. Terrible. Well, maybe. Or maybe it is I have been gambling against really, really good gamblers all my life. The young tricksters with those tricks up their sleeves. Maybe. To test this theory I decided to join (well create and enforce) a college basketball pool at the retirement community near where I live. No one seemed really keen on giving up 5 bucks, filling out brackets, nor sitting and watching game after game with me, but I kept on after them until I found 8 participants. Give or take.

So far I am in second place, and I think Mabel is really starting to hate me.